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My life as I believe it will never remain the same

My life as I believe it will never remain the same

Having read 'Drink' by Ann Dowsett Johnston, I Have Realised So Many Things. I am 47 years old. I am attempting to put on my standard energetic, cheerful face for the world however inside I am an entire disorder.

Although I have been aware for some period that I have difficulties with alcohol, this book made me face them. Nevertheless peculiarly soothed me to comprehend I am not alone. Several problems in my life caused my misuse of alcohol and the usual reasons such as hereditary factors, and indiscipline does not feature. I never had a rosy childhood; My father was unfaithful probably due to my mother being obese and lacking in confidence leaving me without attention and care. Psychologically, I was strong.


It was really odd that I never drank when I was in high school My university days was a different scenario with students partying without inhibitions while the school attempts to portray its intellectual capability. At that moment my journey of experiencing a free youth's world began, I often behave inappropriately - I tend to got hangovers because too much drinking last night, I tend passed out, and occasionally having inappropriate sexual activities.


I discovered the only manner for a fat girl to have a sexual intercourse was to be drunk with equally as drunk boys.


I woke up one morning, stripped in bed with some person in a fraternity house in Montreal..... I recollect and it is really a ponder I didn't get truly harmed, wind up in a doctor's facility or plastered tank or pregnant.


With time, I earned a degree and even went further while my love life wasn't left behind. We saw each other often and during such occasions wine was always present while I also got myself a bottle every week.

Fast forward'marriage, .two pregnancies, both during which I totally refrained, and did not miss it. But then as life progressed on, aging parents, ADHD child, stressed out, compulsive husband with anger problems'..wine on weekends turned to being wine Thursday - Sunday.


My husband got hooked on a local "brew-your-own" so we had cases and cases of wine'..and shortly a nightly custom to crack one or two'..Privately, I started combining my personal cocktails and having the glass concealed in my baking cupboard.

Immediately after I reach home - and face the house untidy state, making the evening meal, trying to make ADHD boy concentrate on his assignment while withdrawing the other one from his iPod.....I can't help but think about mixing that drink....which I continue refilling up to the point that I finally fall asleep or lose consciousness. On waking up, I check my phone to see whom I chatted when under the influence of alcohol.


But there is more - two years ago I had a very serious emotional relationship with one of my son's friend's fathers. Luckily although I was in a very intense emotional affair with him, it never got physical, maybe a few hugs or being close with him occasionally at sport events, maybe you know the feels because I felt it was romantic, very intense and impacted my life drastically, but still luckily it never got physical I was very happy - each time my phone pointed out a message...oh the rush of emotions. On many occasions, we chatted late into the night, at times in the midnight, when we were at work.


Those were some of the most pleasant moments of my life. Soon the affair began to get intimate and suddenly out of the blues he ended it. I was very devastated, it was impacted me really hard and it increasing my drinking habit' I have been grieving the loss at that time.

My alcoholic beverage comforted me they alleviated the pain.

I feel so ashamed as I remember my past. Below are some of the incidence caused by my alcohol use include:

  • Getting completely drunk last Christmas at a cocktail party
  • Drunk at the golden jubilee celebration of a relative.
  • Fuming messages on my iPhone
  • I shouted and screamed inappropriately in front of my kids
  • Hitting my fist at my husband in the face
  • A complete screaming battle one night when my son had an ally sleeping over

I am in guidance which has been an epiphany'..plus studying Ann's book and now detecting this site and studying alike narratives. I sense like I am heading home.