What are the signs that show you've lost control of your addiction? Having a life with addiction could be a very difficult time.
Living with the struggle of addiction for years, I finally can get back on my feet in a normal life after having to overcome stress and discomfort. The world might as well have crashed onto itself and it would've weighed exactly the same to me.
The worries never died, haunted me to sleep and everywhere I went, whatever I did.
All of my worries and troubles muddled up all of a sudden and disappeared throughout that intense feeling of fake happiness and blissfulness that eventually lead to my darkest hour.
One of the most difficult stages of my dependence were the first few months before really going into rehab. Not realizing that I have lived with addiction problem gave me time to make up reasons why I acted like a person with no direction, giving up everything I worked hard for, everyone I care about left me and I have nothing left.
When I was a strong user, what or how much of it I took means nothing, life would still remain how it had been. There was a bleak feeling within me which overwhelmed my senses thereby holding me stagnant. All things appeared to be a foregone cause and the feeling of sorrow I began experiencing could juts be contrasted with the let-down I understood I was inducing to my adorable ones. Each and every thing looked to be a lost cause and the sense of remorse I commenced undergoing could simply be equated with the dissatisfaction I knew I was making to my loved ones. It was similar to life's only goal was to remind me of the number of faults I had caused and to what extent I was aching every individual encircling me. The frustration and guilt were like a loop, went on and on, giving me an excuse to go back to using the reason of the frustration, I did not realize that I was feeding the loop. Apparently, by utilizing more and more often, the spiral of self-destruction I was entangled in took its baddest and massive turn and enabled me feel I was attaining a point of no comeback. At that point, all the sadness and feeling of failure were such a heavy load, that my habit of using to get rid of the feeling was just dragging me further into it.
Thankfully, I was surrounded by some people that cared so much about me and they stayed beside me during my struggle and help me to see the light in the end of the tunnel. Well, my reliance on drugs seemed like a mystery to several others, so they left. However, as a result of how deep into my issues and challenges I was, I began to drive away even the people that desired to remain around to get me out of it. I became so obsessed with just taking the next dose, that I allow it to render every other thing less significant. I began to report wiped out at work since I didn't crave going. I could not stand not using so I skipped meetings, and social get-togethers regardless of who was involved. Life phased down itself to only one thing, and that single thing was what switched the lights off in my life to the extent that I lost all I once cared about.
Self control was never my most grounded suit. When I was utilizing, I can't much recollect how often I revealed to myself it was the last time. Every one of those times leads to me imagining how it would be alright to only take a little bit more as a 'goodbye' to the drugs. My body and soul were controlled by the guilt and frustration, leaving me unable to interact with people like I used to because the guilty I felt. I hid in my room all the time, disregarding every other duty. The bills were heaping, I could only stared at them. During sometimes the phone wouldn't cease calling because everyone comprehended there was something amiss happening in my life; I simply didn't need to say to them they were saying the truth. Not in any case when, where or even the amount I utilized.
This was possibly the thing that caused matters tougher than what they could've been. My fear of being criticized or driven out made me fib very often that in the end, it was more or less difficult to follow up all the things I had fabricated in order to be able to gratify my habit. I was adopting money from allies and family, never being in a capable to offer it in return. Addiction was destroying my life in numerous ways, monetarily, emotionally and biologically. Then I started to hurt my body. I did not eat and it caused me to lose weight drastically; everyone noticed my unusual behaviour and they gave their hand to help but I refused to hold them by lying to them telling them I was okay. It assembles a yet much greater and thicker divider amongst me and myself. I convinced myself to keep using until it feels like somebody else got into me, tons of excuses I told myself that it is okay to keep using.
Withdrawal is one of the most noticeably awful things a someone who is addicted can understanding. The uneasiness and each one of those blended feelings that make everything feel like damnation is something that I needed to escape as could be allowed. I got entangled in substance abuse for that euphoric sensation, and since I knew it wouldn't last and I couldn't bear been sober, so I kept using. There is this desire to take more drugs as an escape route due to the level of tension within you. The way I handled my feelings, made it worse and worse because I lost control of myself.
After all the exemptions were said. All the bonds with adorable ones were ended by me. All my worries became real and I bothered no more about anything else other than getting intoxicated. I chased everybody out of my life and only a few decided to stay outside for the chance to come where they could get back in and rescue me. I was very blind by my dependence that literally no other thing counted. I lost my job, my phone stopped ringing, even my family started to take steps back and leave me.
At this phase, I started to recall all the things that have been said by my loved ones that I really needed help. When I thought all the things were lost, when I thought I had hit the end, I noted I required assistance and there were enough all over to aid me get out of that gloom and darkness I had got into.
Staying with a dependence is possibly the most difficult situation I have ever experienced, and surely could as well be the toughest thing my family and allies have ever undergone. I know things could've been a little bit easier for everyone if we all understand a little more about what dependence signifies not just to the user but also to the family. While things were going out of control, those that constantly remained by me were detecting all these signs that I neglected to observe at first.
I was saved by my loving and patient family and friends.
I believed all the things were lost but at last, I went through a recuperation procedure that opened my eyes to a fresh jovial healthy life, where I haven't disregarded my past but I pardoned myself for what I did and requested for forgiveness without dishonour. I am so grateful that I was surrounded by people who knew I could be saved and I deserved a new life.
Noticing these signs could be a lifesaver for the addicts, they need to know that they can be saved, they deserve a better life to start over.